square jaw
steely gaze
of man
as hands are drawn to hips
in fists
resolved to perpendiculars
of form
of self
to earth.
in flight
in fight
in face
angles were his
only angles
all-spoony-for-lois
aesthete
so noble
as to be alien
to the auguring premises
of flesh.
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You have used some great sound devices here, Aaron, and I really like the word play with 'angles' insinuating 'angels.'
ReplyDeleteThe line 'all-spoony-for-Lois' followed by 'aesthete' is a Doozy.
Excellent work!
Hi Dad,
ReplyDeleteYou know, interestingly, I actually didn't intend to insinuate the word "angels" with the word "angles." I appreciate this feedback so much however, and am fascinated that that characteristic might have come across.
In actuality I was simply intending to say that the angles about his
frame--such as the square jaw--were the only "angles" he possessed. To explain, with my second use of the word, I meant "angles" such as they might pertain to a disingenuous--particularly a manipulative--person, as you might say they have a lot of "angles." With Superman, he is so pure, that the only "angles" he ever adopts, are simply those about his frame. I tried to sort of reenforce this sort of simple--if not elegant--virtuousness by using the same word twice, normally a practice that is discouraged in writing for its obvious redundancy. At the same time though, I also attempted to imbue the verses with hopefully a subtle depth by playing on a double-meaning: the angles of one's body as opposed to the angles of one's personality. Regarding the former Superman has many; regarding the latter, however, he has but one, which is, of course, "truth, justice and the American way."
Thank you so much for this feedback; not least of all for your kind and flattering words. :)